


It looks like the fire doesn't want to die

by soulhead



Series: Footage de gueule [3]
Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: Abstract, Angst, Introspection, M/M, Possibly Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-02
Updated: 2019-02-02
Packaged: 2019-10-20 17:20:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17626412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soulhead/pseuds/soulhead
Summary: Jesse lives his life like a storm chaser would.





	It looks like the fire doesn't want to die

**Author's Note:**

> Daydreams are in italics, actual events are in normal font !
> 
> English isn't my native language, but writing in french is a nightmare to me, because it reminds me of my job and it's no fun at all.
> 
> Also nothing ever happens in my fics lol it's mostly characters being introspective.

_The chase started with a few unmistakable telltale signs. First, there was the sky darkening, clouds rapidly swimming against each other to form an ominous sea of turbulence. Then, there was the temperature staying just at the right number and the electromagnetic levels on his barometer going crazy. That was it ! He needed to be out there and he couldn’t stay inside, in the quietness and safety of his home anymore._

_A few minutes passed and the roar of his car's engine could be heard miles away.  
_

Scrutinizing the angry-looking sky above him, Jesse couldn’t help but remember this alter-ego, the one he used to dream of as a young boy and who chased tornadoes for a living. He remember what started it all, a movie he watched when he was young about storm chasers. He couldn’t remember the plot of the movie, yet the imagery it carried stayed with him.

If he became a footballer in this very real life, it was maybe to feel the same thrill, the electricity coursing his veins like this other him certainly felt everytime a hunt started...Yes, playing football was the closest to what hunting thunderstorms must feel like.

So, at first he supposed it had seemed normal to become so hellbent on trying to get closer and closer to Marcus. Since the beginning, every interactions with him left him feel so, so, so small against a force of nature he neither could or wanted to contain...It was something he rarely dared to even think about, this unspeakable need to dedicate every minute he could to be alongside Marcus. He hoped he was discreet, that this need, this want he felt inside could not be noticed outside. Unfortunately, as he wondered about this issue, his mind automatically found an answer to it as he remembered a scene that happened a few months ago :

The team was recuperating after a tiring week packed with training sessions and two matches. The ambiance was morose except for Jesse and Marcus playing together a made-up version of footbag with a plastic teacup and apparently having the time of their lives, until it was time for Marcus's physiotherapy session. Without a partner to jungle with and to loudly count each points he amassed in this game, Jesse automatically went back to annoy his other teammates.

-Watching you both interact is exhausting...interrupted Paul, obviously still tired from the match that took place the day before, yet having anticipated Jesse's plan to create chaos among his teammates.

-What do you mean ? He chuckled

-You're like an older version of Marcus, one is already a handful, but when you're going at it the two of you ? It's like being permanently hungover. Then, Marcus has to go somewhere else and suddenly you remember other people exist.

At first vexed, Jesse had of course vehemently denied his friend's claim, but there wasn't really a point in denying the truth. To avoid furthering a discussion he was not ready to face, he put his earphone on and retreated back in his headspace.

_I can hear the birds_  
_I can see them fly_  
_I can see the sky_  
_It's about to cry_

_Oh, the irony of this song ! The playlist of this radio was almost taunting him... As he was driving and the millibars level were growing up and up, a narrow tunnel of clouds visible yards away and almost reaching the ground made the sky indeed look very, very gloomy. That was it ! His first thunderstorm and he was driving right in direction to it !_

I'm a zombie  
I don't know what to do  
I should be done in the place  
But I gotta stay, stay stay

As this song resonated in his ears for the umpteenth time, he thought that if what Paul said was true, if he often forgot the existence of his other friends in favour of Marcus, he often forgot himself too :

He was always so afraid of overstepping his boundaries, afraid of Marcus waking up from his slumber, afraid of never being enough. Jesse could dream himself a tornado chaser, he could lull himself to the fantasy of one day lifting the Champion's league trophy with an undefeated Manchester United's team by his side. That, he could but dreaming himself to be just what Marcus seemed to need...It meant thinking of himself as somebody, something he wasn't. A different look, a different gender, a different life...All things that Jesse couldn't change but still managed to make him second guess himself days and nights.

_As the tornado seeming to grow progressively, his anxiety followed the same path. Was he even ready ? Did he take his camera ? Was it fully charged ? What if the hills he saw couldn't be reachable by car and he had to climb on it on foot to establish his observation spot ? He couldn't afford the extra 10 minutes of walk it would take or else he might lose any chance to set his camera before the tornado faded to nothingness !  
_

As he rubbed his tensed shoulders, Jesse's daydream got abruptly interrupted by a voice from a figure behind him :

-So, what did you talk about with Ole ? Inquired Marcus as he was coming up to Jesse.

-Well, it was weird...He just asked how were things, if I enjoyed myself during yesterday's match and...It was a bit awkward ? answered Jesse, in a secretive tone, eyes shifting through both ends of the room they were in, as if afraid someone was spying on them. In reaction to this tone, Marcus naturally leaned to Jesse, maybe thinking their secret discussion would stay between them if the space they shared grew smaller.

-Fuck, you too you can't handle that niceness ? After José, everything seems so weird know...Like it's a good different, but we're still walking on eggshells ?

-Yeah, everytime I thought about my answers I was asking myself if it wouldn't come bite my hand later on...Can you move your fingers a bit up on my left shoulder ? Marcus interrupted his rambling as he felt Marcus absentmindedly starting to massage his stiff upper body.

-Told you, shouldn't have done those extra-tractions at the gym...Anyway, instead of overanalyzing why our new coach is the way he is, how about we hit the showers and call it a day ? Marcus proposed as he stopped his administration and leaned slowly over Jesse to rest his chin on his shoulder.

-Hmm Jesse, you there?

-Yeah sorry zoned out, let's go !

_That was just his luck...Stupid, stupid ! Why didn't he follow the road ? Why did he ever thought for one second his car could handle all this mud ? He knew it was dangerous to come this close ! Especially with the wind blasting south....He should have stuck with his initial plan to go up the hills and just takes some pictures..._

_Anyway, what was done, was done. Now, he could only try to find a solution to this problem, he told himself.  
_

_Breath in, breath out...This simple exercise was difficult as the air seemed to thickens around him and his neck's hair began to stand out and out after one another, like the tornado was directly looking at him, almost challenging him._

_And so, he looked back . What he saw was an ominous turmoil of grayish dust, debris were swirling around it, floating like they weighted nothing. The tornado was indeed, heading straight to him, and it hit him. That could be it. Yes, it was quite far away...maybe if he started running now, gave up his car...he could make a beeline to his escape..._

_Yes, it was a possibility, in fact any other person would have already started to run as fast as they could, sweating and praying to be spared._

_Yet, Jesse's foot stayed unmoving, anchored to the ground._

_His mind clear, he closed his eyes, waiting to feel himself soar through the sky like he too did weight nothing at all.  
_


End file.
